Making New Year's Resolutions Work for You
Making
New Year's Resolutions
Work for You
Shelby Stone, MMFT
How do you make New Year’s Resolutions work for you? Well, I have never been a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions. Many resolutions are based on a deprivation model (i.e. stop eating sugar, no more TV) which makes these goals nearly impossible to achieve or maintain. I even set out to write about alternative strategies to resolutions. But when looking at some of the most common resolutions, I realized something…
According to Statistia, the most common New Year’s Resolutions for last year included eating healthier, getting more exercise, saving money, and focusing on self-care such as getting more sleep. While these resolutions may seem familiar, they are, in fact, some of our most basic needs as humans. Those familiar with Maslow’s Hierarch of Needs, know that until our most basic physiological and safety needs are met (i.e. food, water, health, financial security), we are unable to address our psychological needs such as the need to belong and self-esteem. With this idea in mind, these common New Year’s Resolutions make sense! People are seeking to fulfill their most basic needs to be healthy and feel safe before they can begin to address larger issues of feeling connected and accomplished.
Given this change in perspective, I want to share a concept that I have recently been discussing with clients who ask about setting New Year’s Resolutions: People change when they are ready, when they are in the right place to grow, and when they have the right support.
Are you ready?
For some, this time of year may be a good starting point to set goals. For others, it’s okay if you’re not ready yet. A date doesn’t determine your level of readiness to change. No matter what you decide, know that change takes time. It doesn’t happen all at once, so try not to hurry it.
Try setting smalls goals that build on each other. Example: If you have an overall goal of wanting to be more positive, start by picking out 5 things you are grateful for each day and then moving on to writing these things down and then bumping it up to 10 things/day.
Are you in the right place to grow?
If you are lacking in some of those basic needs mentioned above, it makes sense to make a plan to meet those needs in order to be in the “right place to grow.” Learning how to take care of yourself is a superpower! Without your personal health and safety, it is difficult to be present in your relationships and remain confident.
Make self-care strategies a priority if you are feeling depleted. Example: Practice sleep hygiene, exercise in a way that works for you (i.e. walking, dancing, playing soccer with your kids), appreciate that cup of coffee, practice mindful eating, take 5 minutes to breathe, laugh with friends, etc.
Do you have the right support?
Seek out the help necessary to meet your basic needs in order to take the next steps forward. For some, consulting a doctor, financial planner, or social worker could help with your physiological and safety needs and free you up to focus on other matters. For others, support may come from taking the time to work on your relationships (i.e. family, friend, partner). Working with a psychotherapist can also help you to address long term habits and learn how to integrate this work into your life.
Ask for help. Example: Get a physical, ask a friend to be your accountability partner for your goals, work with a nutritionalist, check in with loved ones about personal areas of growth, collaborate with a therapist to address psychological and relationship needs, etc.
In whatever you decide, remember to use your strengths and enjoy the process. While setting SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) can help you succeed, there is so much meaning and growth to be achieved from taking the time to enjoy your journey and learn about yourself. Change is a process, so be kind to your self. Set positive goals that add, not take away, from your life and happiness. It’s okay to start small and to mess up sometimes. Just appreciate the journey and know that even small changes can create long lasting growth.
Looking to improve yourself or your relationships this year? Learn how therapy can help.