Is My Child Lazy?

Is My Child Lazy?

Shelby Stone, MMFT

Is my child lazy? Parents can worry that their child is lazy or not trying hard enough in school. If your child is not wanting to get out of bed or go to school, this is probably not just laziness. For kids, school is their playground. Yes, it has distressing tests and homework, but kids who are “just lazy” will have more fun being lazy at school than at home.

So, if you notice that your child is dreading going to school or getting up in the morning, it’s time to check in with them. Are they getting bullied at school? Have they been having a hard time with their schoolwork? Do they get nervous being around a lot of people? Try to help them tell you what feels wrong.

When your child isn’t feeling like themself it will be more difficult for them to go to school, pay attention in class, and make friends. It can be hard to figure out what’s going on with your child. Children express their emotions differently than adults. Many kids don’t know what to do with their emotions and hold things inside. Some kids will yell, kick, scream, and tantrum. But what can you do?

Encourage them to talk to you. Listen to what they have to say. It’s important for kids to learn that it’s okay to have feelings and to be able to share those feelings with people they trust. Practice active listening by reflecting back what your child is saying to you: “You feel sad when kids leave you out at lunch time.” And be patient as they take the time to express themselves.

Don’t go straight to problem solving. It can be hard not to put on your superman cape as a parent and rescue your child. Of course you want to fix things for them! But first, you need to understand and listen to what needs fixing. Once again, patience.

Join them. Once your child feels heard and safe, show them that you are there to support them and help them figure things out. It is much easier to face challenges together than alone. Keep in mind that their way of solving something might look different than yours. Yes, you are the parent with life experience and a greater ability for decision making. But, your child might not be able to just do what you say.

Find what works for them. Try to be creative with solutions and help your child figure out how to say things in their own words. Maybe your child can walk up to a group of kids playing soccer and join in but maybe your child would feel more comfortable sitting down next to one kid and eating a sandwich. Find what works for them.

Do not shame. Encourage. If there is one thing that can stop a kid dead in their tracks, it’s shame. No one ever wants to feel shame and most will go to great lengths to avoid it. Even if concerned-parent-frustration starts bubbling up, remember that you want your child to look to you in times of need, not hide away. So, show your support and provide encouragement rather than blaming them or labeling them as “lazy” or “a problem.”

Keep checking in. This is an ongoing process, not a one time conversation. It may take time for your child to find the words to tell you what’s going on or for them to trust in your patience and understanding. They may have fears, such as disappointing you, feeling like a problem, or how you might respond, when telling you about negative things. Continue to check in with your child, watch out for any warning signs (sleeping, eating, isolating, feelings of guilt, disinterest in activities, trouble with concentrating, irritability, low energy, headaches, stomachaches), and consult with healthcare professionals like your child’s pediatrician and a therapist.

Help your child “be a kid” and learn skills for their future success. If you are noticing “laziness” or any of these other signs with your child, please feel free to contact me to for ways to help.