Why Third Spaces Matter for Teens (And Where to Find Them)

Why Third Spaces Matter for Teens (And Where to Find Them)

Michelle Emery-Xu, AMFT

Remember when you used to hang out after school with your friends at the record store, the neighborhood diner, an arcade, or a drive-in theater? Depending on your generation, maybe you used to go with friends to Starbucks, head to the local strip mall, or hang in your best friend’s car at a fast food joint? Well that was me, and that’s where you would have found me and my friends after high school, yapping and exchanging music. You might think these places were just somewhere for teens to talk and hang out, but they're so much more than that. 

In today’s fast-paced, digital-first world, many teens find themselves trying to balance the demands of school, family responsibilities, and the constant pull of social media and the internet. Kids are busier than ever, juggling academics, sports, extracurricular activities, and even caregiving duties for younger siblings. Home and school often serve as teens’ primary and secondary environments; however, these spaces are not always where teens feel fully comfortable expressing themselves or exploring the world around them. This is where the "third space" comes into play.

What Are Third Spaces?

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg introduced the term “third place” as informal public places where people can gather, relax, and build community. In contrast, “third space” refers to an environment where identity is explored and negotiated. These terms are related and largely interchangeable, and so I’ll be using the term “third space” to cover both concepts. 

So why “third”? Third spaces are distinct from home (first space) and work or school (second space). For teens, third spaces can serve as sanctuaries where they can develop social skills, explore passions, interests, and new skills, and find a sense of belonging away from the pressures of academic and family life.

Third spaces can take many forms, including community centers, libraries, parks, boba shops, coffee shops, sports leagues, volunteer organizations, and even online communities. These environments provide opportunities for teens to connect with peers, meet and interact with mentors and other natural supports, and develop a broader sense of community.

However, third spaces are becoming incredibly rare for teens these days. Fewer teens are learning to drive, limiting their ability to meet up with friends. Many of the places we used to hang out at have become too expensive, like Dave & Buster’s arcade or movie theaters. Additionally, safety concerns–such as shootings or gang violence, have led to increased distrust of public spaces. Some malls have even implemented restrictions for minors at specific times and days of the week. 

Why Are Third Spaces Important for Teens?

  1. Identity Formation: Adolescence is a critical period for self-discovery. Third spaces offer teens the freedom to explore different aspects of their identity in a low-stakes, judgment-free environment, a place for them to let loose without the supervision of parents and teachers.  

  2. Social Connections: Loneliness and social isolation are significant concerns for many teens. Third spaces provide a setting to meet new people and build meaningful relationships. These interactions can improve social skills, boost self-esteem, and foster a sense of belonging. And while online communities have become more and more commonplace and accessible, online communities will never replace the “real world” as Jonathan Haidt puts it. The real world requires the embodied and real time experience of face-to-face interactions, which get lost on a computer or phone screen. 

  3. Stress Relief: A third space—like playing a pick-up basketball game at a local park, immersing oneself in a creative project at a community center, or just relaxing with friends—helps teens decompress, giving them a break from the overwhelm that can come with academic or familial pressures.

  4. Skill Development: Not only offering relaxation, third spaces present opportunities for learning and growth. Whether it’s joining a robotics team, participating in community theater, or volunteering at a food bank, these experiences equip teens with valuable life skills such as teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving.

How to Find Third Spaces for Teens

Finding the right third space can be a collaborative effort between teens, parents, and community members. Here are some tips:

  • Check Local Libraries: Many libraries host teen-focused events like book clubs, art workshops, and gaming nights. Libraries are often free to access and provide a safe, inclusive environment. Locally, in West LA, the Santa Monica Public Library offers several programs and activities for teens. 

  • Explore Community Centers: Community centers frequently offer affordable classes, sports leagues, and drop-in activities specifically for teens. They’re great places to try new hobbies or meet peers with similar interests. In Santa Monica, CREST (Community Recreation and Education Support Team) offers after-school activities, including karate and pottery-making classes.

  • Look into Sports, Visual Arts and Non-School Extracurricular Activities: From dance studios to martial arts classes, sports provide both physical activity and a chance to connect with like-minded peers. Several options include: LA Tennis Center Youth Academy, Santa Monica School of Dance and Music, Westside Ballet, The Pretenders Studio, Delta Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, King’s Martial Arts, and Double Dragon Taekwondo. Or if art is more your thing, check out: pottery throwing at Pot Studio LA, performing arts at Haven Academy of the Arts, or painting and drawing at PAINT:LAB

  • Check out Local Spots: Try Boba shops with seating like Tea Mug Boba or Dr T House, coffee shops with large tables like La La Land Kind Cafe or Bodega, or spots with outdoor seating like Caffe Luxxe, LO/CAL Coffee, or Dogtown Coffee - which also has outdoor music!

  • Join Volunteer Groups: Volunteering can be incredibly rewarding, offering teens a sense of purpose and connection. Look for local food banks, animal shelters, or environmental organizations that welcome teen participants. Santa Monica regularly posts volunteer opportunities. The LA Public Library has a variety of volunteer options for teens. The American Red Cross is active at dozens of high schools in the LA area. Check here to see if your school has an active Youth Corps or Red Cross Club or start your own chapter at your school. 

  • Seek out Religious or Cultural Organizations: Faith-based or cultural groups often host youth programs that combine social interaction with personal development.

  • Explore Online Communities Carefully: Online platforms can serve as virtual third spaces, especially for teens with niche interests. However, it’s crucial to ensure that these spaces are safe and well-moderated and that your children understand internet safety

Third spaces are vital for the healthy development of teens, providing them with opportunities to grow, connect, and thrive outside the confines of home and school. By encouraging teens to engage with these environments, we can help them build resilience, foster creativity, and form meaningful connections that support their journey into adulthood. Whether it’s a cozy spot in the local library or a bustling community center, these third spaces can become the cornerstone of a teen’s social and emotional well-being.


Looking for support for your teens? Chat with Michelle.